


but i still stop and stare everytime that you call.

by foliageashes



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Ash Lynx feels guilty, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Regret, Soft Okumura Eiji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:55:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27445978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foliageashes/pseuds/foliageashes
Summary: “And how many times do I have to tell you I’m not going anywhere? I said forever, remember?”Ash returns to the condo later at night than usual, and Eiji can read him like an open book. The night becomes dismaying.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 175





	but i still stop and stare everytime that you call.

**Author's Note:**

> the inspiration from this fic came from @comfortships on twitter. much love to that twitter page for always inspiring me to write fresh asheiji content. hope you all like this, and enjoy your time reading, many thanks! \\(◦'⌣'◦)/
> 
> i also want to thank you all for the support on my first work here, "you still hold me tight, you won’t let go." i have been writing for a while but never uploaded my works online, so i was kind of nervous. so thank you again !

The calamitous night of New York was nothing new, and something Eiji had become used to. Ever since his arrival, he was immediately introduced to hazardous situations and the feeling of precariousness. 

When Ibe told him he was taking him to America, he didn’t expect gangs and guns to be in the package deal. Oh, how life can take confounded routes. 

One thing that surprised him the most was him meeting the _ferocious_ and _sharp_ young gang leader, Ash Lynx. Ash was totally not what he expected he would be. A pale, green-eyed blond, slim and tall. Eiji expected to see manly scars and ripples of muscle, as silly as that might sound. 

Skip had told Eiji, “Ash never lets anyone hold his gun,” after Ash had let the japanese do so. 

So Ash had taken a liking to him. No big deal, right? Anyone could look at baby-faced Eiji and take a liking to him, even a hardcore gang leader. 

_“I envy you. You can fly.”_

_Oh,_ how that made Eiji’s heart ache. Ash was vulnerable. It made him want to protect the younger boy for eternity. _Forever_. After the interaction in the bar, warehouse, and hospital, they stuck by each other's side. Through gunfire, remorse, and pain, they still stuck together like birds of a feather. 

Except Ash never had wings. He was still stuck to the life of killing and leading, and couldn’t do anything about it. While he was alive, it’s all he could do. People would continue to go after him, and he would have to pull out his revolver and show them their end. 

Because of this, Ash found himself returning to the condo he and Eiji shared very late at night, cleaning the odious blood off his clothing before Eiji could question it. The older boy was often asleep upon Ash’s return, too tired to wait despite the vexatious worry. 

That wasn’t all the time, though. It was a little past midnight, but of course, the city was still stirring, more than usual this time. This aided Eiji’s quest to stay awake. He wanted to see Ash come home this time, because the worry and stress was too exacerbating. 

He heard the lock click and the door slide open ever so slowly and carefully. Then a soft click and silent footsteps. Ash was home.

Eiji stared at the door of the bedroom, expecting to see Ash wander inside in a minute or so. His expectations were meant with disappointment though, as the blond didn’t do so. The curiosity and worry now itching at his legs, he pulled off the duvet of his bed and got up, his feet hitting the floor with a light thud. He walked out, being as quiet as possible to not startle Ash. He could tell Ash’s instincts were still at max, considering how he walked in silently. 

He spotted the blond on the couch, his hand grabbing onto his blond locks. It was obvious he was troubled about something. Ash moved his hand from his hair to over his face, his other hand accompanying it. He let out a heavy sigh. His hands had a light tremble, but it didn't go unnoticed by Eiji.

“Ash,” Eiji began, taking a step forward.

Ash went still and jumped slightly. If it was a person other than Eiji, he would’ve stood up and had his gun pointed to their head in a blink. He _knows_ Eiji’s voice. He was awake still? He put down his hands and looked over at the brown-eyed boy, his green eyes still full of aftermath venom. “What are you doing up?” His voice came out cold and strident. He didn’t intend for it to come out this way.

Eiji’s slightly raised hands dropped to his sides from Ash’s tone of voice. “I was just worried about you. You usually come home late, but this is the latest it’s ever been,” he explained flurriedly. “You should go to bed. I can tell you’re exhausted from being the lynx of the city,” he added on, trying to lighten the disquieting atmosphere.

“Yeah, killing people is hard work,” he bitterly muttered.

Eiji frowned at that, his eyes softening. “I didn’t mean it like that, Ash.”

Ash fell silent. He turned his gaze away, and instead stared intensely at the hardwood floor. His emerald eyes had no glow, no glisten. Just dark and clouded by something Eiji couldn’t read. “Go back to bed, Eiji. I’m fine.”

Eiji let out a tiny sigh, seeing through the obvious lie. He walked over to the couch in careful strides until he stood in front of Ash, staring down at him with eyes full of nothing but concern.

Ash’s gaze remained on the floor.

“Ash,” Eiji said. “What’s got you upset?”

“Nothing,” Ash hissed, stiffening with slight annoyance. “Go away.” 

Eiji didn’t move, persistent to get Ash to open up. “I know you’re lying. I just want to h—”

“Help?” Ash inveighed, shooting to his feet. “You’re doing nothing but peck at me! I said leave me alone, Eiji!” His eyes burned into Eiji’s, hoping it would signal the older boy to back off.

“No,” Eiji simply answered, straight-faced. 

Ash let out a growl before turning abruptly, pacing for the balcony. He halted with boiling blood as Eiji’s hand had just reached out and grabbed his wrist. Turning, the blond shouted with indignation, “Eiji! How many times do I have to tell you—”

Eiji silently pulled Ash towards him and wrapped his arms around him. Hugging the stressed boy with his warmth, he smiled. “And how many times do I have to tell you I’m not going anywhere? I said _forever_ , remember?”

Ash tried to pull out from Eiji’s embrace with grunts of anger. “ _Eiji_ ,” he breathed out, shoving him gently. “Let go of me.”

“Nope,” Eiji refused. “Not until you stop acting like a lynx with rabies!”

Ash raised a brow at that. “Lynx with rabies?—Eiji, for the love of god.”

Eiji pulled his head back and planted a soft kiss on Ash’s cheek. He knew little pecks of affection like this helped Ash relax. With a soft voice, he asked, “What’s wrong, Ash?” His arms loosened.

Ash almost felt himself melt into the kiss. Huffing, he pulled out of the grasp now that he had the chance to. He wiped his cheek with his hand, his eyes drifting away. “ _Nothing_.” 

“Lie,” Eiji stated.

“It’s not!”

“Is too!”

Ash let out a groan, raking his hand through his hair. “I’m not arguing with you about this. Forget it.” 

“I won’t forget it,” Eiji persisted. “Ash, you’re clearly upset about something. Can’t you tell me what it is? If not, that’s fine. I just want a straight answer from you,” he said unwaveringly.

Ash met his eyes again, his green orbs finally having a shine. Instead of pure anger in his expression, there was irresolution and wariness. “I. . .” His eyes flickered away for a moment as he vacillated. He’s been trying his best to keep Eiji as far away as possible from his life on the streets. Gangs, murder, Banana Fish—Eiji didn’t deserve to be dragged into that mess. As much as he did want to talk to him, he _had_ to keep up this false white-hot rage to keep Eiji _safe_. Instead of finishing his started sentence, he pressed his mouth into a thin line with rue.

Eiji stared at him patiently. He then smiled gently. “You don’t want to talk about it?”

Ash shook his head. “No.”

“Okay, then we won’t. Thank you. All I wanted was a forward answer from the start,” Eiji told him. He rose to the tip of his toes and planted another kiss on Ash’s cheek. “At least you’ve calmed down.” 

Ash grumbled something as he wiped off that kiss too, still in a rotten mood. “Whatever. Go back to sleep, I’ll sleep on the couch—”

Eiji grinned and embraced him a hug once again, this time tight. “I don’t think so.” 

“Eiji!” Ash squawked in surprise, arms stuck to his sides from Eiji’s grip. He slightly nudged him as best as he could, despite the warmth of the hug calming his heart. “You’re becoming more stubborn than me, and that’s almost _impossible_.”

Letting go and blinking, Eiji’s doe-eyes were still full of nothing but concern. “You’re still in a bad mood,” Eiji observed. “We both know what’ll happen if you go to sleep.”

Ash turned his head away slightly, perceptive. Eiji was right. If he went to sleep now, nightmares would plague his mind. It’s the one thing Ash hates about sleeping. He loves to spend time curled up in bed with Eiji, but he knows as soon as he closes his eyes, slumber will make his worst of memories form an amalgamation of a nightmare, bite at his brain, and suffocate him.

He sighed and closed his eyes. He wishes he could catch a break from his hellish life. Long nights of pointing guns and barking out orders, and the first thing he needed after that was a good rest. He would importune God if he had to, just for five seconds to repose. 

“Ash,” Eiji called warmly, realizing the blond was lost in his thoughts. “What would make your mood better?”

Ash met his endearing eyes. Ambivalent, he slightly frowned. “Nothing. I’m _fucked up_ —”

“No, you’re not,” Eiji told him, placing his hands on his cheeks. “You’re far from that. Just because you get sad doesn’t mean you’re ‘messed up.’”

Ash found slight amusement that Eiji refused to swear. He wanted to tease him about it like he always did, but that type of energy didn’t exist right now. Of course it didn’t. He just spent the last minutes being an unreasonable jerk. Instead, he sadly said, in a voice that took shape of a small exhale, “Okay. . .”

“Oh, Ash,” the raven-haired boy cooed sympathetically, rubbing a cheek with his thumb. “Can I kiss you?” Granted, he did it before, but they were only soft pecks he knew Ash truly didn’t mind. 

Ash stared at him in silence for long heartbeats, searching for an answer in the back of his brain. “Yes.”

Eiji leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Soft and tiny, like the ones on his cheek, except this one seemed more endearing. He pulled away and gave Ash a reassuring smile. A smile that said _it’ll be okay._

Ash remained silent, gaping. He was confused by all this. How does Eiji make him feel so safe? It made him feel guilty. It almost maimed his heart. He can’t help but feel he isn’t making Eiji happy in return. All he brings him is tribulation. All he does is rankle him. Then his stomach turned. Oh god, that’s exactly what he was doing before—Telling Eiji to go away and insulting him. Not wanting to know the stalking truth, he asked, “You love me, right?”

Eiji laughed benevolently. “Yes, Ash. I do.”

Ash’s expression didn’t change. A part of him didn’t believe it; The part of his brain that was screaming, “ _whocouldloveawhorelikeyou—_ ”

Eiji moved forward and rested his forehead on Ash’s, his smile remaining. “I love you.”

Ash broke from the shackles of his damaging thoughts. “You do,” he whispered, now slightly convinced.

“Yes,” Eiji answered. He brushed Ash’s locks back and kissed his forehead gently. “I do.”

A slight smile replaced Ash’s frown. Eiji must’ve noticed this, because his smile grew and his eyes brightened. “There’s the smile.”

Ash slightly stiffened with realization. He forced the frown back on and turned his head away. He doesn’t deserve to be happy, especially after the things he’s done. Instead of finding words to say, he let out a muffled groan, his cheeks flushing from bristling embarrassment.

Eiji let out a murmur of laughter. He kissed the corner of his mouth. “I love you, Ash.”

Ash huffed, feeling his face heat up. “Whatever.” The tiny smile returned without his consent. Ash hated proving people right, so he lifted his hand to wipe the kiss away.

Eiji noticed way too quickly and caught it, kissing his palm. He then shifted it down and kissed a knuckle. “You have nice hands.”

Ash cracked a genuine smile. “Is that how you be romantic?” he teased. 

“It’s how I make my stubborn boyfriend smile,” Eiji corrected proudly. “And it works.”

Ash laughed at that. It warmed Eiji’s heart, though he would never admit it, because Ash would immediately get embarrassed and protest. It was nice to see a happy and collected Ash, smiling and laughing as he should.

“So sappy,” Ash commented. “If there was a king of sappiness, it would be you.”

“And if there was a king of stubbornness, it would be you. Then we can coexist as royalty and watch over. . . Nori-Nori Kingdom!” Eiji’s eyes sparked with excitement. 

Ash smirked. “You’re obsessed with that bird.”

“Because it’s cute,” Eiji defended. “And cute things deserve love. That’s why I love you so much,” Eiji teased, squeezing his cheeks.

“Eiji!” Ash twined, embarrassed. 

Eiji laughed. Grabbing Ash’s hand, he said, “Let’s go to sleep now, alright? Unlike you, I _like_ to wake up early, not because I’m old!”

Ash took it, the warmth making him soften. “Whatever you say, _onii-chan_.”

The uneasy atmosphere from before was now tranquil and warm. The two could peacefully sleep, cuddled into eachother and holding eachother close, something Ash craved everyday. A vulnerable boy, touch-starved and sensitive, next to a warm-hearted, kind, gentle boy. The rest of the night was merciful, granting Ash a nightmare free slumber. 

Morning reached, but despite Eiji’s statement in the night of waking early, he stayed in bed for two extra hours. Instead of preparing breakfast, he stared at Ash. Ash looked peaceful, the sun from the blinds illuminating his pale face. Blond hair and eyelashes that looked like fresh rye in the sun, Eiji couldn’t help but compare Ash to an angel. He certainly looked like one. Reaching his hand out, he began to play with Ash’s hair.

Ash smiled at the touch.

How did he get so lucky?


End file.
